I'm so fucking centered right now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
