At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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