We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have fence marks all over my body
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
