Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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