The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
