why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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