mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
