I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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