There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
