just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
