i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
