the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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