Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
