I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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