.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Randomize
