I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
