I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
