I'm going to jail i love you
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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