Soap is not a condiment
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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