i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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