I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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