You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
