Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
