Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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