She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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