well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
As shirtless as possible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
