fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
