did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how drunk are you?
Several
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
