just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
