What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
