Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
