my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
