The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
