He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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