actually, I'm a sock model
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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