please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
