whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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