She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
