I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
