cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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