Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
