Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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