I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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