so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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