Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
