i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will be naked everywhere
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
