i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
