so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
