your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
