break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
