I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
