Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
