Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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