k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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