when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
