I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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