I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
