i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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