Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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