It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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